Siblings

Felix's relations with his sisters is complicated. A month ago, Hanna and Saskia were more open to his presence, his recovery, the differences in his persona. He was, a month ago, a blend of a ten year old, a four year old and a fifty year. They were patient with his pre-school antics, and wove him into their activities as best as they were able.

We counseled Felix that it was important that he work on leaving behind the most childish behaviors, as they were perhaps not likely to make it easy for people to hang out with him. He slowly brought that into his sense of self, and worked on himself a good bit more than he had before.

Now, a month later, Hanna and Saskia not only exclude Felix actively, they deter him from even moving in towards their circle of friendship, with withering glances and cold shoulders. The two girls are, in part, reacting to how Felix was acting a month ago; they are also living out the deepened friendship they developed over the summer.

Which leaves Felix feeling left out. He probably feels more alone than he has much of his life. Not only is it hard to find ingress to his sisters' play, he finds it harder to connect to his old friends. They six months older, six months faster, and half a year apart is a long time for children. Felix finds that old friends move too fast, literally, for him to keep up. He can't race up and down stairs, fly outside and onto a bike, hop up and off the floor as games and focal points shift with a ten year old's fluidity. He moves gingerly, can't run, takes a long time to get up and down, can't ride bikes yet, and is still not 100% clearheaded like he was before.

It's Hanna who calls the shots. If she feels like playing with Saskia, Saskia is totally set and engaged. If Hanna tires of that or needs to move on, she's fine, but Saskia can easily feel suddenly anchorless and upset. The more infrequent times that Hanna wants to play with Felix, he feels great, included and connected. When that ends, or Hanna (it's almost always Hanna) who is ready to move onto the next activity or project, Felix is once again left outside the circle of love and connection he so dearly needs (don't we all!)

And Hanna knows it. On most days, she is gracious with her power. On others, she plays it like a sharp knife in a pickpockets hands --darting quickly, cutting with such finesse that the pain only comes moments after when she is long gone. I don't think it's malign, just an 8 year old girl finding her way in a complicated situation.

We shall see.
best,
m